Viewing the Body

In many murders, the body has been repeatedly stabbed or otherwise mutilated. Viewing the body for identification and prior to burial can be an excruciating experience. Survivors may wonder whether their loved one was unconscious while the act took place.

If a drunk driver killed their loved one, survivors suffer additional outrage and isolation because of the way vehicular homicide is viewed by society. We tend to excuse drunk driving and to refer to drunk driving deaths as "accidents," and not as criminal homicides.

The quality and quantity of understanding support that Survivors receive during their grief journey will have a major influence on their capacity to heal. They cannot nor should they try to do this alone. Drawing on the experiences and encouragement of friends, fellow mourners, or a professional counselor is not a weakness but instead a healthy human need.

Because mourning is a process that takes place over time, this support must be available months and even years after the death of a murdered loved one.

Unfortunately, because our society places so much value on the ability to "carry on," "keep your chin up," and "keep busy," many in grief are abandoned shortly after the event of the death. "It's time to get on with your life" is the type of message directed at mourners that still dominate. These messages encourage Survivors to deny or repress their grief rather than express it.

To be truly helpful, the people that are in a survivor's support system must appreciate the impact that the death has had on the survivor. These supporters must understand that in order to heal, survivors must be allowed and even encouraged to mourn long after the death. These supporters must be encouraged to see mourning not as an enemy to be vanquished, but as a necessity to be experienced as a result of having loved.